I am a selfish pacifist.
As a self imposed
challenge, I played Skyrim as a
pacifist. I wanted to try a new way of playing the game. The goal was to get as
far in the main quest without killing anything. The only exception was killing the
antagonist Alduin who devoured souls. I
expected to be a hero, but I became something more disturbing.
I was expected to reach
heaven by violence. Alduin resided in Sovengarde, the Nordic equivalent of
Heaven. To complete my quest, I had to slay Alduin despite my pacifistic
tendencies. I needed to avoid violence yet become powerful enough to kill
Alduin. I once understood power as killing quickly and efficiently. Pacifism revealed
a new path to power: I could reach Heaven through deceit.
I used dishonorable
tactics to win encounters. For example, I needed an item called the Dragonstone
from an enemy. Killing him is the only way I could retrieve that item. Sneaking
around him gave me an opportunity to plan how to dispose of him without
violating my rules. I casted illusions to manipulate his actions and lead him
into a swinging axe. I wouldn’t fight fair.
I possessed a conflicting
moral compass. I refused to kill and caused suffering in unequal amounts. I stole
the entire savings of struggling families to pay for my equipment. I robbed
ancient burial grounds and desecrated Nordic cultural history. I enchanted my
equipment with souls, not letting Alduin stealing the source of my power. I didn’t
kill; I made other people suffer instead.
I am much less of a hero
then I thought I was. Maybe I’m not a hero at all.
My pacifism only serves me.
